I Love Jason McCann Because He Is A Corporate Man

"Jason McCann". A synonym for "creative". A metaphor for "inspired - and yet inspiring". A simile for "genius". A man who demands that I do slightly wrong things to grammar.

"Creative, inspired (and yet inspiring), and a genius." Think of those words, and a number of images will, I know, flash across your mind. Van Gogh sawing his ear off with a blunt Stanley knife. Shelley, Coleridge and Keats havin' it large in an opium den. Mozart, aged 2, simultaneously polishing off Die Zauberflöte and an apfelstrudel the size of a small dog. Stephen Hawkins multiplying some fractions. That sort of thing.

Jason McCann is one of these geniuses, but he has the kind of "added extra" that makes him special. Yes, he can sit in his office and come up with ideas all day long - really GOOD ideas, that people would like if they were people, and want to adopt if they were in a dog's home - but he can also wear a suit and talk to clients. In fact, you can take Jason McCann anywhere (apart from Le Faucon Bleu), and you can be guaranteed that he will never, ever let you down.

Yes. I love Jason McCann because he is a genius, but can be trusted not to cut his ear off in public. I love you, Jason McCann.

I Love Jason McCann Because He Is (More Or Less, Give A Plastic Pod Of Jam Or Two), Like The Rest Of Us

Handsome and sensitive. That much we know. Is he a better man than you or me? Define "better", and then we can talk. Famous, certainly. But is Jason McCann like the rest of us? Yes, he is.

You might like to imagine Jason McCann eating his dinner at a Georgian mahogany table, buttocks perched atop a rosewood carver chair. You may see - in your mind's eye - Jason McCann's elegant hand reaching for a mother-of-pearl spoon, all the better to scoop Caspian caviar from a Fabergé bowl and into his soft receiving mouth.

Par contre, you may feel more relaxed with the vision of Jason McCann, loose-limbed and confident, head thrown back with carefree laughter, dining with his fashionable companions in the kind of restaurants that poor people (or people who like their steaks well done) do not even know exist. Or is the Jason of your imagination at home, channeling Brillat-Savarin one day, and Heston Blumenthal the next?

The truth is that Jason McCann is all of these things. But Jason McCann is also like us. He loves the taste of the first snowflakes on his tongue, a glass of medium-dry sherry (with salt-based snacks) on a warm Spring morning and most kinds of cake*. And Jason McCann - when his heart is weary, or he's just a bit hungry and/or having breakfast - often very much enjoys a simple piece of toast and jam.

But this is where it becomes difficult. Because although Jason McCann enjoys eating toast and jam in pubs as much as the rest of us, Jason is picky about his jam. Homemade? Sure! Shop-bought? Why not! Acquired in a 5 litre can from a German with a funny-looking truck, just outside Quebec City? Yes, sirree. All that Jason McCann requires is that his jams are served in individually sterilised plastic pod servings.


* Jason McCann does not like coconut cake, and can do without Battenberg unless there really isn't anything else

I Love Jason McCann Because He Is Sensitive

"Jason?", says the tiny child, reaching up-up-up on his tippy-toes to touch Jason McCann's face. "I am only young, and yet even I can feel your goodness. What is your secret?".

Jason McCann doesn't reply when people ask him questions like that, even if it's tiny children on their tippy-toes. He just smiles at them, and gives them a flower out of his pocket (e.g. a daisy or a tiny wild rose).

You see, Jason McCann is sensitive. Flowers, tiny children, lost people, the old, tired, wounded and sore, flock to Jason McCann. From him, they draw strength. In him, they find a home; a father-confessor; a safe haven from pain and harm.

If you are looking for Jason McCann and you cannot find him, look first for a cloud of delicate butterflies, humming birds and tiny pretty animals (think Snow White), and you will, inevitably, find him at their centre, muttering gentle words into their soft receiving ears. Yes. Jason McCann is so sensitive, that even the shyest of animals seek refuge in his folds.

What else is Jason McCann? He is the human equivalent of your favourite comforter, washed in delicious-smelling organic fabric conditioner (that is not made partially from beef fat), folded at the end of a clean bed. He is your favourite novel (the one about ponies and riding to Olympic victory for England). He is warm milk and cookies, hot toast and jam, a nice cup of tea and a gigantic gin-and-tonic, all rolled up into one remarkably handsome man: the man that is - and always will be - Jason McCann.

I Love Jason McCann Because He Is Handsome

Here he is, Jason McCann. I love him so much. So very, very much.

Why do I love him? Oh, so many reasons, with the first being only too clear for all to see: Jason McCann is very handsome. (I have only put a very small photograph of him up because it is extremely dangerous to make bigger pictures of him available to the general public.)

Jason's extraordinary beauty explains why he wears glasses. His glasses are (of course) very nice, and also very 'trendy'. Yes, they help him see, but they also serve another purpose: they mask his beauty a teeny-tiny bit. Not enough to make a significant reduction in his overall attractiveness, but enough (certainly) to take the overwhelming sheen away; the sheen that makes it difficult to hold face-to-face conversations with him. (I don't know if Jason McCann likes Skype, but if he does - and if he uses it with a webcam - it could be very very dangerous and cause the internet to explode.)

I carry a photograph of Jason McCann (like the one above) in my pocket, and when I am feeling sad about for e.g. polar bears and/or tiny kittens with only three legs, I get it out and look at him. And then - to quote The Sound of Music - I feel like a "drop of golden sun" has shone upon me - a "drop of golden sun" made out of the pure, 100% gold handsomeness of Jason McCann.

Coming soon: I Love Jason McCann Because Of His Clothes